Category Archives: Relationship

It’s Not A Job

Towards the close of business today, a couple of my colleagues at work somehow all found themselves discussing various issues in my department. Our schedules are so busy that it is quite rare for us to converge in one location at a time and discuss for such a long period of time. Initially we were only three, but as the discussions progressed, one by one a few others joined in. I can’t really remember in detail all the issues we talked about, but one particular topic sparked a heated debate among us. We were talking about the roles of women in relationships, specifically the married ones. I should warn you that of the six people having this debate, only one of us was actually married. So forgive me if you do not share my view point on what I am about to share.

 

The heated debated was kicked off by a particular statement made by one of the single ladies. One of the guys asked her what she thought about wives washing the undergarments of their husbands, and she reacted with a quick sense of disgust. I think she said something like; “Eww….How can I do that, Am I his slave?” and “why would a man expect me to do that for him?” Immediately everyone jumped in and had an opinion to voice out. Two other single ladies also supported her saying that; “If he doesn’t wash mine, then I can’t wash he’s”. The married lady among us was particularly annoyed at her answer, and she wasted no time in expressing this. She was of the opinion that things like washing undergarments were just few of the various ways you show your spouse that you care and also a deterrent for keeping your husband from getting distracted by other women outside( funny but somewhat true I guess). She went on to emphasize that it was the “Right” thing for a woman to do, and that any woman who doesn’t help out her husband it a terrible wife. I agree with her (The married one), in the sense that a woman is supposed to do her very best to keep the flame in her marriage/relationship. There is a saying that goes: “A wise woman builds her home, while the foolish woman tears it down with her own hands”. Before I get a barrage of responses slamming me for sexism, I also believe that men also have a role to play in keeping the relationship going as well. But I also disagree with the normative nature of what she prescribed as the way to having a successful marriage. The word “Right” incites the idea that there are set rules for marriages and this I think is wrong. I think it is up to the married couple to decide on what works best for them and grow with it.

 

My main reason for writing this post was that I felt the three young ladies had a wrong impression about some fundamentals of marriage. I am not yet married, but I have spent time with enough married couples to know that whatever you do for your spouse should be from the abundance of your heart and not be seen as a job. The first single lady later went on to say that she would actually wash it, but she would not expect it to be a regular occurrence. The responses the ladies gave implied that such a task, to them was a chore that they could not condone. When you truly love a person, you find that you would, without any eternal push, want to go the extra length to make the other person happy. Even at the cost your own happiness.  Why do you wait for him to ask it of you, if you see his undergarments dirty, I think you should instinctively know to help him  out with it, without being asked to. This is not slavery, it is called love. Some modern women have blown the Women’s Rights movement out of proportion that they see simple things from a chauvinistic point of view, which is not right. When your husband asks you to do his laundry, it doesn’t mean he wants to turn you into his slave, he is just asking you the way your brother or father or mother would ask you for a favor as well. Ladies need to calm down and be more patient, understanding and loving. It’s not a Job, It’s Love.

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Is it Dead or Just Elusive?

I was inspired to write this post by two things. The first was the blog post of badlandsbadley with the title: “Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Prove True Love is Dead and There is Nothing Anyone Can Do About It.” The second thing was a song by Michael Buble titled “Haven’t Met You Yet”. You can check out the lyrics and song with the link.  Now I know what you are thinking. How are these two things related? Just hold on, I will get there eventually.

Let me start with badlandsbadley’s blog post. In his post, he goes on and on about how love is dead and all, with the romance between Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez being the focus point. He takes us from how hopes were raised when the initially started dating, and eventually to the final death of love illustrated by their break up. badlandsbadley comes off a tad bit over-dramatic. Like this paragraph from his post:

“Words cannot express the emotions that ran through my mind as I read the headlines today. I found myself paralyzed, unable to move. I did not want to stand or walk. All I could do was sit in the fetal position and cry. I looked around for a hug, but no one was there, not that it would matter anyway. They would hug me and it would be comforting, sure. Then they would leave me just like SELENA LEFT JUSTIN! AND THERE IS NOTHING I COULD DO ABOUT IT BECAUSE THE WORLD IS A TERRIBLE PLACE FULL OF ONLY EVIL! NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, YOU WILL END UP DESTROYED JUST… LIKE… JUSTIN! WHY?! WHY, SELENA?! ALL HE EVER WANTED TO DO WAS LOVE YOU, BUT THAT JUST WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH! SURE, YOU THINK YOU CAN DO BETTER, BUT THERE IS NO WAY YOU WILL EVER TOP JUSTIN BIEBER! EVER! HE CAN SING AND DANCE! AND THE HAIR!”

If you are like me then you would know that most celebrity relationships are rarely ever “real”. Everything is always done for the camera. Over-dramatization aside, I can relate to badlandsbadley’s pain and disappointment resulting from the breakup. It sure is sad to see such public mutilation of Love from two young, seemingly innocent individuals. When you see love between two kids with such pure hearts, you can’t help but be mesmerized by the very pristine nature of it all. I guess it’s this type of love that badlandsbadley and others saw between Selena and Justin. With the rampant wave of breakups and divorces both in the mere mortal world and in the celebrity world, most people are desperate to cling to something that always reminds them that love still exists, that it still endures and all. But unfortunately you are left with no choice but to ask; is there still love?

Now I will finally show the connecting cord between Michael Buble’s “Haven’t Met You Yet” and the Justin&Selena Story. I recently started listening to Buble’s music. Yeah I know I am really late to the club. With the sheer amount of Hip-hop and Pop saturating the airwaves these days it’s very easy to miss out interesting jazzlike artistes like Michael Buble. I was particularly drawn to “Haven’t Met You Yet” because of the promise the song carries with it. The promise of love even after yet another heart wrenching breakup. He starts off with his loss of hope in love; “I’ve broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track”. You cannot help but sympathize with him. It is quite sad actually. But as the lyrics go on you get a sigh of relief when you hear;

“I might have to wait, I’ll never give up. I guess it’s half timing and the other half’s luck. Wherever you are, whenever it’s right. You’ll come outta nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing. And baby your love is gonna change me. And now I can see every possibility”.

These lines so strongly gives that reassurance that badlandsbadley and other love fanatics desperately need. This impetus to still wax strong with enthusiasm about love displayed by Michael Buble is quite enviable and worthy of emulation.

As much as pop culture might have us believe that love is dead or unattainable, I still believe that it’s still out there. Love isn’t dead; it’s just very elusive for good reasons. Think of love like The Trinity, even though it cannot be fully explained, it still doesn’t discredit its existence. And we should not torture ourselves by looking up to what might seem like love. Just because it did not work between Justin and Selena doesn’t spell the end. There is still hope out there.

Believe in Love!