Towards the close of business today, a couple of my colleagues at work somehow all found themselves discussing various issues in my department. Our schedules are so busy that it is quite rare for us to converge in one location at a time and discuss for such a long period of time. Initially we were only three, but as the discussions progressed, one by one a few others joined in. I can’t really remember in detail all the issues we talked about, but one particular topic sparked a heated debate among us. We were talking about the roles of women in relationships, specifically the married ones. I should warn you that of the six people having this debate, only one of us was actually married. So forgive me if you do not share my view point on what I am about to share.
The heated debated was kicked off by a particular statement made by one of the single ladies. One of the guys asked her what she thought about wives washing the undergarments of their husbands, and she reacted with a quick sense of disgust. I think she said something like; “Eww….How can I do that, Am I his slave?” and “why would a man expect me to do that for him?” Immediately everyone jumped in and had an opinion to voice out. Two other single ladies also supported her saying that; “If he doesn’t wash mine, then I can’t wash he’s”. The married lady among us was particularly annoyed at her answer, and she wasted no time in expressing this. She was of the opinion that things like washing undergarments were just few of the various ways you show your spouse that you care and also a deterrent for keeping your husband from getting distracted by other women outside( funny but somewhat true I guess). She went on to emphasize that it was the “Right” thing for a woman to do, and that any woman who doesn’t help out her husband it a terrible wife. I agree with her (The married one), in the sense that a woman is supposed to do her very best to keep the flame in her marriage/relationship. There is a saying that goes: “A wise woman builds her home, while the foolish woman tears it down with her own hands”. Before I get a barrage of responses slamming me for sexism, I also believe that men also have a role to play in keeping the relationship going as well. But I also disagree with the normative nature of what she prescribed as the way to having a successful marriage. The word “Right” incites the idea that there are set rules for marriages and this I think is wrong. I think it is up to the married couple to decide on what works best for them and grow with it.
My main reason for writing this post was that I felt the three young ladies had a wrong impression about some fundamentals of marriage. I am not yet married, but I have spent time with enough married couples to know that whatever you do for your spouse should be from the abundance of your heart and not be seen as a job. The first single lady later went on to say that she would actually wash it, but she would not expect it to be a regular occurrence. The responses the ladies gave implied that such a task, to them was a chore that they could not condone. When you truly love a person, you find that you would, without any eternal push, want to go the extra length to make the other person happy. Even at the cost your own happiness. Why do you wait for him to ask it of you, if you see his undergarments dirty, I think you should instinctively know to help him out with it, without being asked to. This is not slavery, it is called love. Some modern women have blown the Women’s Rights movement out of proportion that they see simple things from a chauvinistic point of view, which is not right. When your husband asks you to do his laundry, it doesn’t mean he wants to turn you into his slave, he is just asking you the way your brother or father or mother would ask you for a favor as well. Ladies need to calm down and be more patient, understanding and loving. It’s not a Job, It’s Love.
There is Mr. Stuart Green and his kids, little Cathy on his left and Princeton to his right. Looking at this picture all might seem well, but things are far from well. Mr. Stuart was in a very fatal car accident about a year ago and as a result has lost a great portion of his memory. While the car was Somersaulting, his skull was repeatedly slammed against the dashboard, resulting in major head trauma for Mr. Stuart. He was in a coma for a month and two weeks before eventually waking. The nurse on duty said when he woke up he uttered only three words “Where is Mother”. Nurse Jackie rushed off to get the doctor in excitement, she had assumed that he was all well, but little did she know that the worst had happened. Mr Stuart’s mother had been dead for about 10 years now. She died of a heart attack. She was 80 years old at the time, she lived a lovely life.
The doctor called Kate, Stuart’s wife to give her the news that he had woken up. Kate immediately got the two kids to get dressed and headed to the hospital. Approaching Stuart’s room, little Cathy burst of her mother’s grip yelling “Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!”. Stuart had this blank expression on his face; obviously he could not remember who his family was. He picked Cathy up and gave her a big hug, Princeton joined in. When Kate saw this, she knew exactly what had happened. Even though he was right there in front of her, she realized she had lost the love of her life; she walked over to Stuart and broke into tears. While Stuart was with the kids, the doctor called her aside and gave her the full details. He explained to her that she would need to exercise a lot of patience with him while he tries to reacclimatize himself with the family again. After three weeks in intensive care, Mr. Stuart was discharged to go home with his family.
Kate has been working really hard to ease Stuart back into his former life. She is a member of a support group for women whose husbands are challenged in some way or the other. Old school photos and videos, trips to some of his favorite restaurants and taking him to meet with some of his good old friends. So far things have been going fine in general, but there have been some really tough times in-between. I really feel for Kate because she has had to take on an overwhelming role in the family on such short notice.
The picture above is from one of the trips that the family took to the house where Stuart grew up. It was quite emotional, Kate told me Stuart seemed to have recognized fragments of the house. Places like his room and the courtyard where he played with his friends as a kid invoked some really strong emotions in Stuart. She told me that little Cathy was actually the one who suggested the picture be taken.
Everyone is constantly praying and hoping that one day Stuart would look at his kids and actually remember who they are. I personally pray for Kate to be blessed to with the fortitude to carry this heavy cross of hers.
GET WELL SOON Mr Stuart!